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Its Me - Giraffe!
Join Date: 16th Feb 02
Location: Scotland
Age: 20
Posts: 2,176
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haven't posted anything on here for a while..stopped writing recently.. but yeah, wrote this today.
The white capsules slide down my throat and begin their journey
My thoughts have ceased
My feelings have escaped me
Racing to grasp something, my mind exhausts itself
Questions of purpose, worth and meaning fill the stale air that surrounds me
Struggling for oxygen my lungs heave and desperately force me to continue inhaling
Is this life ending?
Or is this tormented soul simply being teased with death?
Blackness consumes my vision and I become shrouded in my own emptiness
Is this my heart that is beating or an echo of footsteps that still rings in my empty head?
I have no answers, I have no guilt, I have no sorrow
I have nothing
But I forever have one last question, my mind insisting that I make my last breath of words count.
Am I Dead?
let me know what you think of it.. this is just some of my random ramblings that I noted down earlier...
Here we are again. The same place, different reasons. Sometimes I think this cycle with end, the I hit it, and I realise it won't, it never will. It wouldn?t even consider ending, so I guess I should stop clutching to straws. I?m stating to turn to those little white capsules. If they don?t make me ill, at least I?ll sleep and I won?t have to feel it anymore. I would sleep for eternity if I could, it's bliss, the world continues to move around and people?s lives carry on as usual while your semi-unconscious. Nothing is affected by your absence, silently I sleep, not feeling anything, my heart and my head get a well-deserved time out. It takes a lot to get up, when you suddenly realise you?re awake and you know your emotions are just a scratch beneath the surface, and they have awoken, but they?re never really prepared for the day ahead. Preparation. Would everything be easier if we were prepared? Perhaps. But how can we possibly predict how we?ll disappoint others and ourselves today? Or the next, or the next? We can?t. Every day is something different, not something new, something different because the feelings afterwards are always the same. Another day that we?re unprepared for, that we?re led blindly into by our invisible shepherds that we hope are there, but are too afraid to admit that we might actually be on our own. Occasionally, we?ll get up and think, ?today isn?t going to be that bad. I feel good?. That accursed thought, it's gets us every time, and it makes the come down much worse. We trick ourselves into believing that maybe we will be ok. Maybe it will work. Like today everything changes and I?m not going back. Then it's hits, and you everything leave you, and you?re just empty. A vacant, darkened space that is waiting, waiting for something. We never quite know what it is. Maybe it?s nothing and again we convince ourselves that something, anything, will change and things will get, even just slightly, easier. We are so desperate, so needy, so selfish. But we know (right?) that we need it. Convincing ourselves that we, us, are the only people who feel like this and that we deserve it. Granted, some of us do think others deserve it more than ourselves, but would you honestly say you never wish that yours would go away? That you sometimes wish everything would be ok for you? I didn?t think so. But what if it all left? You got up and everything really was ok. Would you enjoy it? Or would you realise it's never been what you wanted? Would you realise that you enjoy your self-pity too much to let go? That you enjoy feeling sorry for yourself that you refuse to stop feeling that? Has it become an addiction? Or would you just be too damn paranoid? Waiting for that moment to come when you realise everything was just a fa?ade? Would that eat away at you? Would you let it consume you? Do you see the truth now? Are you still holding on to your blindness and avoiding the answers? Claiming ignorance, hoping that the bliss will follow? Perhaps on a level we all are, we?re safe in the world we?ve created for ourselves, we know the rules, the patterns, the cycles, we?re still unprepared but we understand this live that we live. But if we know this then why are we still hoping and waiting? Is it so as we don?t realise that our existence isn?t that bad? Or is it because we need it?
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?* "Change is the most important element in life" - Nelly Furtado *?
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) I'm glad u posted cause as alwayz u post deep shit that makes us think, I like it, I might not agree in sum stuff, but the writtin is superb
Linear Mode
