Please comment.

[Nikki]

It's National novel writing month and my friend Stu from the AMB persuaded me to enter and so, I am. This is what I have so far, please be hinest in your comments cause I need to make it the best it can possibly be. I'm asking for brutality. Thanks.

Insert title here.

[peewee]

Well I just want to make a quick comment because it seems you haven't got any at all. I think it's too long for most people I guess.

Okay well it's really not my kinda style so there's not a lot I can say. I know who the people are as you reference them because I know you, but I think anyone that just read it as a story with characters then they just get some occasional mentions of names that aren't really introduced and are a bit all over the place.

What I meant by not being my style is that you've written it like they're just all the thoughts and memories in your mind all at once. So it's like lots of bits of stories, which I find disjointed and don't enjoy following. I dunno if it's intentional but it seems like it's written like you might think it. Reminds me of a very famous and popular book The Catcher In The Rye. Now I know it is very clever and written like he is slowly going crazy but I just couldn't stand it in the end haha. So yeah it feels a little all over the place. It reads like you just wrote it as it came to you and didn't really go back and refine it.

Oh well that's all I can come up with in the way of comments I will be sure to let you know if I think of more.

[Nikki]

Thanks for that, I agree with you. I re-read it earlier and I agree with you. There are certain bits I like, but I think I'm going to use this version as reference and rewrite it, trying to establish characters and follow more of a plot line instead of just going where my mind takes me.