My Poem- Guys please look at this and replie...PLEASE!!!

[furtado-freak]

Untitled

She Lies dead on the bathroom floor,
Don't recognise her own name no more,
Miss-count the the slow beats of her heart,
Drown her sorrows with another vodka shot.

Press blade to skin,
watch the blood flow.

Tears stain her pre-aged face,
Look for a release from the pain,
Dig the knife deeper,
Perhaps she'll feel something then.

And Still the blood flows.

Eye's pleading for release,
from this never ending hell,
cannot find that inner peace,
wake up screaming i the night.

Press the knife deeper,
Still blood swell.

she lies cold on that bathroom floor,
Waiting for the end to come,
as darkness surrounds her,
in comes her one true love,
and steals her away.

Blood stops flowing.

[furtado-freak]

Your guys critique is very valuble to me, so please reply

[Saudade]

At the beginning ithought what a sad thing, good tha the end changed lol
Errrm i liked the thing that you made stanzas and the sentence with "blood flows" to an own stanza, this brings it to the foreground.

This is my life i must add lol especially the last stanza good job

[furtado-freak]

thankyou
though the ending, well its good and bad, see her one true love is ment to be death...or the grim reaper...take your pick....

[Lidka]

Omg it's really good! I know something about poems & I think u wrote a great poem! u r good in it.

[furtado-freak]

thanx
I was like just sitting at my desk during study doing nothing, and well it just popped into my head...like the most of my songs and poems lolz

[furtado-freak]

This one is called
Conversations With a Higher Power

Look at the sun,
Look at it set,
Look how he runs,
As the earth spins,
Round and round.

Now see him jump,
Now see him fly,
See him reach up into the sky,
As he grasps at dreams that never were.

Now see him tell God,
Face to face,
On how he left this world a disgrace,
And tries to make him
Front up to his mistakes,

Now see God surprise,
As he denies.
Allowing humanities,
Slow demise.

Now see God squirm,
Now see God sweat,
As be begins to confess,
That the chose to neglect
The human race.

How He lured his children,
Then watched them drown,
Cracked the earth,
To see them fall,
And the survivors,
He starved them all

Now see the Man swear,
To never pray,
To this cowardly God
Who never stayed,
Was never there

The God who miss-led the people,
With false hope,
Ignoring all cries for help,
Creating thunder,
To drown them out.

So the man turned his back to God,
And uttered with contempt,
You are just another phony
Not event God is exempt,
Someone needs to tell the world.

Alas that was a fatal mistake,
For God’s wrath it was great,
And with one withered finger,
Pointed at the Man,
The lightning struck him down,
And Man was no more.

[Lidka]

Next great poem! U r really good. Idk what to say anymore, your poems & songs r beautiful!

[furtado-freak]

aw thankyou
that is always good to hear. When I write things, I just write what I am feeling at the time, no matter where I am. I have so many songs and poems lol

[furtado-freak]

Don't know what this is going to be called yet, but perhaps you guys could give me some tips on what it should be called here it is:

Starring at the stars above me,
Trying to remember whom I am supose to be,
Forgotten to wipe away the tears,
Want back the pieces of me that are missing.

I can feel my fears echoing around me,
The wont leave me alone,
Pictures on the wall represent a distant memory,
They show a happy person I use to know.

Can't you hear my retreat,
This is my last resort,
How could you not hear my heart break?
How could you not see me die inside?

And the world spins around and round.
Can't you hear me silently screaming aloud?
So alone in this crowded place,
Nobody to know, No friendly face.
And all I know is that I have to leave today,
I really have to go away.

Sorry is just another word,
Slips off the tounge ill spent.
Used in an atempt to cover up the hurt,
But it don't because it runs too deep.

I am so lost now,
Lost and confused,
Did you enjoy seeing me fall?
Fall because of you.

Can't you hear my retreat,
This is my last resort,
How could you not hear my heart break?
How could you not see me die inside?

And the world spins around and round.
Can't you hear me silently screaming aloud?
So alone in this crowded place,
Nobody to know, No friendly face.
And all I know is that I have to leave today,
I really have to go away.